Elementary Musings

Elementary school was wonderful. I wasn’t so much popular as I was, well, shy. I was always good at school, but didn’t have many friends. But the ones I had, I grappled them to my soul with hoops of steel (Hamlet). One in particular, Danny Davis, really kept me honest. He was also a smart kid, with a fair jump shot and a very brilliant mind. Anyway, I remember one of the first sleepovers I had was at Danny’s house. I remember we watched Bill Cosby’s “Himself” and laughed till we cried, and then I couldn’t sleep through the night because the stupid fish tank in the living room stayed lit up all night and I was used to having a room entirely dark.

My first acting “gig” was in the 6th grade, when I played “the Fonz” in the school’s production of “Happy Days.” I got to ride a motorcycle into the room and park it in front of the stage for my first big entrance, then hop on and ride out the same way.

Not sure if you’ve ever been to or remember having attended your classic Utah elementary school “assembly,” where the kindergarteners line up near the front of the gym and sit Indian style, then the first graders, seconds, and so on until the whole school had assembled to take in the theatrical spectacular.

I had never ridden a motorcycle before. If I recall, this little bike was a 150-cc dirt bike, green and white, and belonged to another 6th grader named Travis Madsen. No, not that one, the rocker one with the lazy eye. Anyway, he gave me the rundown early in the day on how to start it up and ease the throttle to get going and how to park and all of that stuff. Boy, was I ever excited to prove to DeeAnn Linge and her hot friends just how manly my 12-year-old self could be.

I dyed my hair black for the day, had the white T with the black leather jacket, and was all set for my big show. When my cue began to draw near, I jumped on the bike amidst three teachers and their various admonitions of caution. I started it up and revved it a few times, then let the throttle go.

I mean, really let it go.

I squealed out on the gym floor, tore into the middle of the space and nearly ran over the first row of kindergarteners.

“Ehhhhhh…”

The show was really quite good, though, and my debut was a total success.