"Confessions for the Holidays"

I'm posting this now because I recently received this in an email, and the email version that's going around has a few little errors and some additional commentary that could mistakenly be attributed to Mr. Stein (and make his points seem diluted and preachy, and they're not)... and... because Ben Stein is as hilarious as he is insightful. You may recall his role as the monotone economics teacher in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." You know the scene...

"Bueller?"

"Bueller?"

"Bueller?"

Enjoy!

"Confessions for the Holidays," by Ben Stein, as featured on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, December 18, 2005. Read the original TV transcript, or check out Mr. Stein's website.

Here at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart. I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are.

I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I'm buying my dog biscuits. I still don't know. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores who they are. They don't know who Nick and Jessica are, either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they've broken up? Why are they so darned important?

I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I don't care at all about Tom Cruise's baby.

Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I'm a subversive? Maybe. But I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young? Hm, not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish, and it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautifully lit-up, bejeweled Christmas trees.

I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are — Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they're slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. I shows that we're all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year.

It doesn't bother me one bit that there's a manger scene on display at a key intersection at my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, fine. The menorah a few hundred yards away is fine, too.

I do not like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way. Where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and aren't allowed to worship God as we understand him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we used to know went to.